Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
