Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
