I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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