now i know why i became what i already was.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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