Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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