I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
