member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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