I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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