So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
