I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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