Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
