I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
