So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
