Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Found the puke drawer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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