Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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