someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
