i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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