Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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