God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
