ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
