Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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