my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
