A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
