Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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