I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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