so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My balls are so social today.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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