why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
