i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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