Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's blow job season.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
