i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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