No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
