Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
