doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
