I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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