I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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