And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
