he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
