he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
