absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
