exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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