I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
