I'm drive I can fine osifer
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
