Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
