im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize