you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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