Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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