I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
