OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
