Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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