I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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