know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
