We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
