just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
