There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
