So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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