Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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