Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
