drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I will be naked everywhere
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
