put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize