I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
