he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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