Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
whose parrot is this?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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