lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
