There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
