respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
