I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
