I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
