eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
