I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
