I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
