just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i think im in europe. pls send help
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
