Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you had me at cake vodka
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
