You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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