I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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