I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
