And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
