This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
