I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
