I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
