matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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