Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
