just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize