She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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