I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
