I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
