You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
