wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
